Upgrade Your EQ: A Simple Exercise to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence

When we talk about “intelligence,” it’s often in the context of IQ tests—those familiar assessments that measure how well we reason, solve problems, and recognize patterns. IQ reflects our cognitive intelligence, and while it can be honed to a degree, it’s generally considered stable across adulthood.

But there’s another form of intelligence that has a far bigger impact on our relationships, work, and overall wellbeing: emotional intelligence (EQ).

Unlike IQ, EQ isn’t static. It’s a dynamic set of skills that allows us to understand our own emotions, respond to them thoughtfully, and read the emotions of others with greater clarity. These aren’t “soft skills”—they’re human skills, and they shape how we show up in every part of life.

Here’s the catch: we don’t learn these skills in school. Most of us pick them up later in life—often through trial, error, and a few hard lessons. The good news? Emotional intelligence can be learned, practiced, and significantly improved at any stage of life.

Where It All Starts: Self-Awareness

Developing EQ begins with one core ability: recognizing your own emotions as they happen. The better we are at noticing and naming what we’re feeling, the more choice we have in how we respond. Fortunately, our brains give us an amazing advantage here.

Here’s why: the brain often responds to vivid memory the same way it reacts to real-time experience. That means reflecting on a past emotional moment—if done in detail—can actually re-trigger some of the physical and emotional sensations. It’s like a mini emotional time machine. And it opens the door to meaningful insight.

A Simple, Powerful Practice: The Emotional Snapshot

This activity can be done with colleagues, friends, or family. It’s designed to deepen emotional awareness and build connection.

Step 1: Curate Your Emotion List - Start with a broad list of emotions—both positive (joy, pride, excitement) and negative (anger, anxiety, sadness). You can find curated lists online or create your own.

Step 2: Choose Two Emotions - Invite each participant to privately choose one positive and one negative emotion they’ve recently experienced.

Step 3: Share the Snapshot - Each person takes a turn sharing:

• Context: What happened? Who was there? Why did it matter?

• Bodily Sensations: What did you feel physically? (Tight chest, faster heart-beat, lump in a throat, tense shoulders?)

• Emotions: Which emotions did you feel? Were there other emotions beyond the primary ones you chose?

• Thoughts: What was going through your mind at the time?

This simple framework often leads to profound insights. It helps participants see how emotions live not just in the mind, but in the body—and how quickly they shape our decisions and interactions.

Why It Matters

In a world that often prizes intellect and efficiency, emotional intelligence helps us stay human. It strengthens teams, improves communication, defuses conflict, and builds resilience.

While IQ might help us solve complex problems, EQ helps us solve human ones. And the best part? It’s a skill you can start building today.

From practices like this one to daily reflection, mindfulness, or therapy, the path to greater emotional intelligence is wide open. As psychotherapist Philippa Perry reminds us in her book "The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read [and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did]", even the simple act of labeling emotions—especially with children—can foster lifelong emotional clarity. But it’s never too late to start. And each time you do, you’re not just improving yourself—you’re contributing to a more compassionate and connected world.