The Wisdom in Our Feelings: Learning to Work With 'Negative' Emotions

Certain feelings can be uncomfortable. We usually try to run away from them or suppress them. We even refer to some emotions as 'negative'. However, we need all of them, and we just need to learn how to deal with them in a better way. Understanding the purpose behind these emotions can help us navigate them more effectively. Below is a list that can help you figure out what is behind most common 'negative' emotions.

Emotion	What It Signals	What It Does For Us
Anger	Injustice, violation of boundaries, unmet needs	Motivates action to protect ourselves and assert our needs
Anxiety	Uncertainty, potential future threat	Prepares us to anticipate and plan for possible challenges
Disgust	Threat to physical or moral purity	Motivates us to avoid harmful behaviors
Envy	Desire for something someone else possesses	Motivates us to strive for our own goals and clarify our values
Fear	Perceived danger or threat	Triggers the fight-or-flight response, enhancing survival instincts
Frustration	Obstacle to achieving a goal	Motivates us to problem-solve, adapt, or seek alternative paths
Guilt	Violation of personal values or social norms	Motivates us to make amends and behave ethically
Loneliness	Lack of social connection or belonging	Motivates us to seek out meaningful relationships and social interaction
Sadness	Loss, disappointment, grief	Promotes reflection, allows for processing, encourages seeking support
Shame	Perceived flaw or failure that threatens belonging	Motivates us to conform to social expectations and improve ourselves

Navigating the Waves: Healthy Ways to Deal with Uncomfortable Emotions

Developing Emotional Awareness: Understanding the purpose of an emotion is a significant step. The next crucial element is developing your awareness of when these emotions arise. The earlier you catch them coming, the better, as this will allow you to choose your reaction instead of reacting impulsively. A helpful technique for cultivating this awareness is the "body-emotions-thoughts" exercise. Think of a situation you want to analyze or just notice what is happening right now in the following sequence:

1. Body: What sensations can you notice? Are you relaxed? Are your shoulders or other parts of the body tense? How's your breathing (normal, deep, shallow)? Is your heart racing? Do you have a lump in your throat? Because of the way our physiology works, our bodies know what we're feeling before we become conscientiously aware of it. Reconnect to your body and you'll gain valuable information.

2. Emotions: What are you feeling? Sometimes we can feel a cocktail of emotions, so recognize as many as you can.

3. Thoughts: What are you thinking?

Once you get used to this technique, it'll take you just a few seconds to do it and you'll be able to spot the emergence of emotions before they take over control.

Understanding the purpose of an emotion is the next step, but actively dealing with it in a healthy way is crucial for your well-being. Instead of suppressing or running from these feelings, try these strategies:

• Acknowledge and allow: The first step is simply to acknowledge the emotion without judgment. Allow yourself to feel it fully, without trying to push it away. Recognize that it's a temporary state. Remember, you are not your emotions. You have emotions. Practicing this distinction can create valuable space. Instead of saying "I'm angry," try saying "I'm feeling angry now." This subtle shift in language can help you observe the emotion rather than being consumed by it.

• Practice self-compassion: Be kind and understanding towards yourself, just as you would be to a best friend in a similar situation.

• Healthy Expression: Find healthy ways to express your emotions. This could involve:

• Talking to someone you trust: Sharing your feelings with a supportive friend, family member, or therapist can provide relief and perspective

• Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process them and gain clarity.

• Creative outlets: Engaging in activities like painting, music, or writing can be a healthy way to release pent-up emotions.

• Physical activity: Exercise can be a great way to release tension and improve your mood.

• Reframe Your Thoughts: Sometimes, our interpretation of a situation can intensify negative emotions. Try to challenge negative thought patterns and reframe the situation in a more balanced or realistic way.

• Practice relaxation techniques: Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your nervous system and reduce the intensity of difficult emotions.  

• Focus on what you can control: When faced with a situation that evokes negative emotions, identify what aspects you have control over and focus your energy there. Letting go of what you can't control can reduce feelings of frustration and helplessness.

• Seek professional support: If you consistently struggle to manage difficult emotions or if they significantly impact your daily life, don't hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with personalized strategies and support.  

Remember that experiencing a full range of emotions is part of being human. Learning to navigate the uncomfortable ones with awareness and healthy coping mechanisms will ultimately lead to greater emotional resilience and well-being.