The Manager Who Never Looked at Me: My First Job's Toxic Lessons in Leadership

My first full-time job after the university was in a commercial company that was owned by a tycoon. The atmosphere was toxic: employees were not allowed to use the elevators if the managers were using them, questioning anything was unheard of and training the new comers a completely foreign concept. The manager I worked for never spoke to me. Ever. She never even looked at me. Instead, a senior employee was responsible for me and the communication between me and my manager was conducted through a third person even though her office was less than 10m aways from my desk. I was the lowest of the low in the hierarchy and they made sure I knew it.

And then and there I swore to myself that I will never become like her. That experience, as painful as it was, became one of my biggest lessons. It wasn't a lesson in what to do, but a masterclass in what not to do. It showed me the critical role managers play in shaping a workplace, for better or worse. Every interaction, every policy, every silent dismissal, contributes to the overall culture.

For managers, the responsibility is immense. It's not just about hitting targets; it's about nurturing an environment where people can thrive. And it's not about what managers say, but about what they do. So, how can leaders avoid creating such demoralizing spaces and, instead, foster a truly productive and positive team?

Building a Better Environment: Key Takeaways for Managers

1. See People, Not Resources

The most fundamental shift in perspective a manager can make is to view their team members as individuals with unique strengths, aspirations, and challenges, rather than mere cogs in a machine or "human capital" to be optimized. My experience of being the "lowest of the low" and practically invisible highlighted how dehumanizing it feels when you're treated as less than a person. Acknowledging someone's presence, valuing their unique contribution, and recognizing their humanity is the bedrock of a healthy work environment. Respect for the individual is not a perk; it's a prerequisite.

2. Communicate, Directly and Often

Avoid intermediaries when direct communication is possible. Regular, one-on-one interactions, even brief ones, build rapport and trust. A simple "Good morning" or asking about a project's progress directly can make an employee feel seen and valued. Clear, consistent, and respectful communication prevents misunderstandings and fosters psychological safety.

3. Welcome Questions and Feedback

An environment where employees are afraid to speak up stifles innovation and problem-solving. Encourage your team to ask questions, challenge assumptions, and offer feedback, especially if it's critical. Create safe channels for this, demonstrating that you value diverse perspectives and are open to learning. Remember, growth thrives on curiosity, not silence.

4. Invest in Your Team's Growth

Provide proper onboarding, ongoing training, and opportunities for development. When you invest in your employees, you're investing in your team's collective capabilities and demonstrating that you believe in their potential.

5. Lead with Respect, Not Intimidation

Hierarchy is a reality in many organizations, but it shouldn't translate into dehumanizing practices. Simple gestures, like sharing common spaces (even elevators), show respect for every individual regardless of their position. Treating everyone with dignity creates a foundation of mutual respect that permeates the entire team.

6. Learn from Every Experience – Even the Bad Ones

Perhaps the most crucial lesson is that learning isn't confined to positive examples. Sometimes, the most potent insights come from observing how not to do something. My first manager inadvertently taught me more about empathetic leadership than any textbook ever could. Be open to self-reflection and asking: "What would I do differently here?" or "How can I avoid replicating that negative behavior?" Every interaction, positive or negative, is a chance to refine your leadership style.

Ultimately, creating a positive workplace isn't just about avoiding toxicity; it's about actively cultivating an atmosphere where everyone feels respected, heard, and empowered to contribute. It starts with conscious effort and a commitment to continuous learning – even from the challenging situations that shaped us.

Epiloque

Although I wanted to pick up my things and leave that place every single day, I couldn't muster the courage. Instead, I was "saved" from it by bombing (Belgrade, Serbia 1999) after about 6 months of working there. I ended up developing my career in a different fields, including being a manager for more than 10 years. And not becoming as my first manager is still one of the things I'm most proud of.